It has recently come to my attention that people love camping hacks. Being the amazing blogger I am, I decided to investigate and see if I could hop on this gravy train and ride it all the way to Share City where readers would eat up my amazing camping hacks and share with all their friends across the social media universe.

But then I had a better idea. The blogosphere is flooded with camping hacks so instead I’m bringing you a little wisdom, some advice on what NOT to do, my dear friends and members of The Virtual Campground! I’m here today to share the 5 most ridiculous and stupidly hilarious camping hacks you need to stop doing today.

1. Start a Fire With Chips

doritos chip camping trip
Some men just wanna watch the world burn.

So apparently there are people out there suggesting I buy Doritos for the sole purpose of setting them on fire.

Um, have you ever tasted Doritos? Ain’t no way in Hades I’m literally just tossing them in the fire because “the oil used in frying these snacks” burns easily. Those delicious triangular nacho cheese oily treats are going straight in my belly, ya feel me? It don’t matter if I’m on Survivor and we haven’t had fire for two weeks and Jeff Probst busts out the Doritos sponsorship deal for our reward. Uh uhhh.

How about instead, you come prepared to make a fire? You know, bring some dry wood. Maybe a match and some lighter fluid, all that tried and true stuff.

2. Anti boredom kits for kids

I get it. Kids get bored. They come to you whining and complaining that “nature sucks” and “ohmygosh why do mosquitoes even exist, Mom?” You want to be prepared as possible. Still, I implore you to skip this camping hack.

You’re camping! You’re likely in nature or you opted for the kid-friendly RV park with the pool, the game room, etc etc. Do not make an anti-boredom kit for your children. I mean, think about it. What is with society these days? Why is boredom the enemy? WHY CAN’T KIDS BE BORED?! I’m a firm believer kids should be bored sometimes. It helps them grow and develop. It forces them out of comfort and into creative problem solution. Stop the urge to entertain your children and give them the opportunity to do it themselves. I promise they will succeed.

Case in point.

3. Toothpaste dots

toothpaste dot camping hack
This toothpaste dot thing is a flop.

According to lifehack.org, we all should stop bringing tubes of toothpaste with us on camping trips. Instead, this website tells us to take toothpaste dots instead! Just get a paper plate, dot it with tooth paste and “let the drops dry out over 3 days, add a little baking soda and put them in a resealable bag.

I’m sorry. Am I missing something? How in the world is doing ALL THAT easier than just packing my toothpaste tube? In the time it took me to just read about toothpaste dots, I could have packed 10 tubes of toothpaste! This hack is wack y’all.

4. Bungee cord a box fan to the roof of your sitting area

ceiling fan camping hack
Well it doesn’t get more redneck than this, folks.

So it’s summer and it’s hot and you just want the air moving. That said, this just seems like you’re setting yourself up for failure. I mean, do you want a box fan just chillin’ on some bungee cords above your head? What if there is a big gust of wind? What if Uncle Al forgot to tie down one side of your tent and someone trips and…you get the idea.

And another thing, putting this fan up CANNOT be easy. By the time you’ve exerted all the effort to get the dang fan up there, you could have propped it up on a table or something and let it blow right on you. Now you’re all sweaty and flustered and living on a prayer this actually works.

I’d stay far away from this hack if I was you.

5. Buy a new rake and cook hot dogs on it.

cook hot dogs with rakes camping hack
In the words of Amy Sedaris “Now I know some people can’t afford sticks…”

This one is just hilarious. Hang on, folks. I can’t get the image of someone standing by the fire with a yard rake using it to cook hot dogs.

Use a stick, you goons! It’s free! Oh, and looking for sticks to use will give those bored kids of yours from camping hack #2 something to do.

What camping hack out there have you seen that you just thought was ridiculous? And what’s one you love?

Let me know in the comments. Oh, and don’t forget to share to spread awareness to your fellow man on the dangers and ridiculousness of these hacks. The people need to know!

 

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6 thoughts on “5 Camping Hacks You Need to Stop Doing Today

  1. When I was a kid, fly swatters had metal handles and flimsy netting flat parts that wore out, forcing you to buy new ones. When Mom had collected enough dead ones, (handles, not flies) she scrubbed them up good and we used them to cook hot dogs. They were great. It never occurred to me to be grossed out by this, but Mom SWEARS that she scrubbed them up good. And how many times do you have to stick a scrubbed wire in the flame before it has been sanitized?

    1. OMG That’s hilarious. I don’t think it’s gross. The plastic part is what the flies are on, not the handle!

  2. regarding sticks. please be aware that there are some trees, some sticks that are killers. they will literally poison your food and you. Hemlock any one? so learn what the poisonous ones look like, or learn what the safe ones look like and stick to the safe ones. Oak? yes. maple? yes. Metal campfire forks? safe. just saying. and reusable.

    1. I get that, definitely stay educated. That said, I still believe buying a RAKE to cook hot dogs is hilariously outrageous and overkill.

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